What's This
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto struggles to remain afloat in a sea of chaos accompanied by a not-quite-classical number about Christmas.


**What's This?**

"This is intolerable!" Magneto frowned as he sat at his desk in his private office. "My most promising batch of genetic samples in months ruined all because that idiot Gambit spilt orange soda over them! Not to mention completely blowing out the lab's power grid. And I had just finished installing new lighting in there too. What else is new?" He grumbled and glanced at a report. "Oh great. SHIELD found my hidden heavy weapon depot in the Andes. There goes a third of my high yield and biological warheads. What? The German Ministry of Finance is threatening to confiscate my estate in Bavaria due to unpaid taxes? I don't believe this! How am I supposed to work with all this dumb, stupid...huh? I'm out of aspirin?! I just put three bottles in here! How could I have gone through them so fast..." he was interrupted by a loud explosion.

"TOSS ME IN A STINKING BOX AND TRY TO MAIL ME WILL YOU?!"

"AT LEAST IT SMELLED BETTER THAN YOU! AND A LOT BETTER LOOKING!"

CRASH!

"YAHOOOOOO!"

"Where are you Pyro?"

SPLAT!

"Oh yes, that's right," Magneto groaned to himself. "Do I really want to know what those lunatics are up to now?"

"GET BACK HERE AND DIE!"

"FAT CHANCE FURBALL!"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"CAN'T GET ME! CAN'T ME! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"No, but ignorance will cost me more in the long run," Magneto sighed as he got up and walked over to the door. "I really need to crack down on discipline and...WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!" he shouted looking at a hallway filled with holes, scorch marks, multicolored splotches and random trails of foam.

"WHEEEEEEEEE!" Pyro skated by in his socks and wearing a pair of goggles while waving a cricket bat.

"I will get you!" Piotr chased after him wielding a paintball gun.

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

"AAAHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed as the two Acolytes ran down the corridor laughing. He started heading in the opposite direction while trying to keep his balance on the slippery floor. "_What's this? What's this? There's chaos everywhere! What's this? There're paintballs in the air!_"

Magneto looked inside the Sphere Hangar only to see it covered in glitter and all the spheres shattered to pieces. "_What's this? I can't believe my eyes! I must be dreaming! Wake up Erik, this isn't fair! What's this?_"

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Sabertooth ran by with his hands over his ears.

"TAKE THIS FURBALL!" Remy laughed maniacally as he chased after him with an enormous tuning fork the size of a bazooka.

"_What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong!_" Magneto moaned as he made his way down the hallway. "_What's this? I've broken into song! What's this? The halls are stained with paint all on the ceiling! The entire floor is soapy! Have they gone completely daffy? What is this? What's this?_"

Magneto opened the door to the control room and was knocked off his feet by a tidal wave of foam and bubbles. "_Those maniacs are all running wild, they're messed up in the head! My base is torn apart, oh how I wish they all were dead!_" He tried to pick himself up out of the mess. "_There's soap on every surface. Ow, I got some in my eye! If my office is still intact I'll go back there and cry!_"

"I HAVE YOU NOW!"

"GUESS AGAIN COLOSSUS...HEY LOOK OUT!"

BOOM!

"WATCH IT FIREBUG!"

SMASH!

"AAAIIIEEEEEE!"

CRASH!

"WHAT THE...WHOA!"

"THAT'S MINE GAMBIT!"

SPLAT!

"RRROOOAAARRR!"

"UH OH!"

"RUN!"

"_Oh great_," Magneto groaned as he stood up and tried to brush himself off. "_What's this? There's a strange smell in the foam. Ether? They must have mixed it in. A pyre! I have to stop them before Pyro lights every bit of it on fire! What's this?_"

"HELP! SAVE ME!" Pyro ran down the corridor and knocked Magneto down.

"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! YOU HEAR ME?! A DEAD MAN!" Sabertooth roared chasing after him with a large hand-powered drag saw and running over Magneto.

"Ohhh," Magneto moaned painfully as he lay buried in the bubbles. "_What's this? I hear the twittering of birds. How strange. The ringing in my ears. It hurts!_"

Magneto clumsily levitated himself off the floor and flew down the hallway. "_Those idiots destroy everything in sight! They go and burn and wreck and fight! Never a break from all the pain! What the, where'd that palm tree come from? This is insane! This is insane! Oh, what else can they do to me? What's this?_"

"GO LONG PIOTR!"

"I GOT IT! I GOT IT!"

CRASH!

BOOM!

"SORRY!"

"_Oh no, what now?_" Magneto winced as the entire base rocked from the explosion. "_The lights are going dark. And look, the bulbs are shooting sparks. And here, the walls are filled with holes and rockets in the sockets! Why do I have to put up with all this utter madness? What's this?_"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Sabertooth screamed as he ran by again covered head to toe in foam.

"HAHAHAHAHA! YEAH! YEAH!" Pyro cackled insanely while hot in pursuit on the back of a large ride-on floor scrubber.

Magneto ducked into a nearby storage room to avoid the waves of foam the floor scrubber sent up. "_The lot of them are crazy! Every one of them's a clown! One of these days I'm going to have a huge nervous breakdown! I can't take much more of this, my nerves are completely fried! Oh why don't I just find a cave, go crawl inside and hide?_"

"COME BACK HERE WITH THAT DYNAMITE PYRO!" Remy shouted in the distance.

"AND STOP TOSSING FIREWORKS EVERYWHERE!" Piotr yelled.

"_Oh no!_" Magneto yelped and flew back in the direction he'd come from. "_Again! Pyro's got fire on the brain! I have to go and knock him out! Why do these things always have to happen to me? I can't take this lunacy! Please no more, oh, please no more! Oh, it's all just way too much! This is insane! This is insane! This thing of misery and strife! What is this?_" Magneto burst into the control room.

"PREPARE TO DIE FIREBUG!" Sabertooth shouted having cornered Pyro and surrounded by mounds of ether-permeated foam.

"OH YEAH?!" Pyro aimed his flamethrowers at him. "TAKE THIS!"

"_It's my life_," Magneto whimpered.

KA-BOOOOOOMMMMMM!

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "What's This" from The Nightmare Before Christmas.**


End file.
